Intermediate

Ex and daughter picked me up this afternoon to go to local school's open day.  Our daughter is off to intermediate next year. Ex parks the farthest away from anyone else.  He walks up the path with arms folded.  And we go way over the far side of the seating area to sit down.  It's like "don't come near us"!!!  I mean what is that about?  So we get in our group, which Ella jimmies so we get to have 2 of her friends in.  So the three stooges are walking around giggling all the time.  Three mischief makers!   Ex is walking around with arms folded.  I'm chatting away to other Mums in the group.  By the time we got around every department it was about 2½ hours.   Buggered by end of it.  It's overwhelming too.  Lots of information in a short space of time.  I mean how do you make the decision?  I told my daughter to liken it to an open home for a house for sale.  If you go in and it feels "right".  Think about the things you're liking and not liking.  I mean what do you take into consideration when choosing?  Do you do co-head or all girls?  Does it matter doing a separate intermediate or combined with high school?  We have our local College to choose from (combined intermediate & high school); a separate intermediate in the city; and two girls schools that are Colleges.  It's a pity I don't believe in crystal balls!  The local College our son went to for intermediate; and it was intended that he'd stay there for high school too.  But it didn't work well for him.  He needed to be accountable, and there was no allowance for that there.  We went to an all boys school and it felt, well "right".  And it's worked out quite well for him.  But what works for one, doesn't necessarily work for the other.  After all, we have friends that have their two boys at two different high schools; ones in a co-head & ones in an all boys.  Our daughter isn't as academic as our son.  She's into totally different things, so will this local College work just fine?  I do not believe in crystal balls, but I DO believe in God; and I will do what I've done with our son, and pray about it.  And, with a bit of faith I'll hear God's answer... and so will my daughter(!) You want them to be with their friends, but you want them to have the best education as well.  It's a hard one.  Now onto my son.  He's got a heap of Art to do for NCEA.  He's struggling as it takes sooooo much time.  We thought it would have been a little light relief for him amongst the other subjects he's doing; but it's actually taking time away from the subjects he's actually really interested in for future study.  In hindsight we wish we hadn't encouraged him to take it.  Gosh it's just so hard being a parent some days.  Other's you feel so blessed. I knew when I left my hubbythat it wasn't going to mean that he wasn't going to still be on at me all the time.  Now when the kids are at his for the weekend he rings all the time with things like "you're going to have to get onto .... about his art... he's quite behind you know.  You'll need to keep him on task"; and "you know that he's slept both mornings, and then by the time he gets into work he hasn't had much time.  I wanted to take him shopping for clothes but there was no time when he doesn't get home. You're gonna have to talk to him about that.  He can't do that all the time".  You're gonna have to do this, you're gonna have to do that.  Blimey heck!! Why always me for goodness sake?!  It gets so draining.  At least I can kick him out, hang up the phone, or drive away now... but then I'm just running away.  So, although it's peaceful and less stressful being away from him full time, it doesn't mean I don't get nagged at still!  I really can't wait until the kids are finished school and I don't have to deal with him so often.  Our son's only got 2½ years to go, so that'll take the pressure off a bit, hopefully.  I still suffer a bit from anxiety, and read a post on Facebook the other day about how to perhaps save yourself from a full blast panic attack.  Counting down from five, name:

Five things you can see

Four things you can touch

Three things you can hear

Two things you can smell

One thing you can taste

Maybe this'll help you.  I'm going to pop it on my fridge, so when I start feeling anxious I can look at it and do it... and maybe it'll just dispel it.  I've got nothing to lose by trying!

I started suffering from anxiety when I was pregnant with my daughter.  It was mainly hormonal and I suffered terrible anxiety all through the pregnancy.  Then it started coming back a couple of years ago.  Maybe it had something to do with me being in my early 40's and being pre-menopausal; but it could also be attributed to the stress in my marriage.  I returned to my faith about 8 years ago, and without that now I'm not sure how I would have got through what I have so far; or how I would continue on.  But God has not failed me.  He has been there for me and my children.  My church was doing a firewood fundraiser.  I ordered a couple of meters and when it was delivered they wouldn't let me pay for it.  I have, over the years, done a lot of volunteer work there so I guess it's a case of what goes around comes around.  In saying that it's a very humbling experience.  A couple of week's ago I tried out a new church, and ran into my ex's cousin.  She told me to read Psalm 121 when I got home.  I did.  It was perfect for me.  I prayed to God thanking him for watching over me and my family. A few days later the man from church that had delivered my wood knocked on my door.  He said "I've got some wood on the back of my ute.  It's getting in the way and I thought you could use it, since we've had such a cold couple of weeks".  Wow!  God really was looking out for me.  Praise our Lord!  AND another story.  A friend from church was updating her tv room couches and offered me hers.  There's nothing wrong with them.  They look great.  I cried when she delivered them.  I mean, what do you say?  Thanks seems so empty.  Another verse came to me this weekend Philippians 4: 6-8... "Don't worry about anything, tell God what you need...."  Wow.  He really does have me in His sights.  This journey is, and continues to be, a journey of faith.  Of really trying hard to handle my worries to Him, who has it all in hand.  It's tough not to worry as a Mum for a start, little alone a Mum on her own with two kids on a Benefit.  But God holds me in the palm of His hand.  I cast all my cares upon Him... who loves me unconditionally!  AMEN